Supporting the family: first contacts and the funeral
We considered how best to support Ronnie's family, a sensitive issue in which family wishes must be sought and respected. So, two days after the news of Ronnie's death, the Head Teacher paid an agreed visit to Ronnie's house to deliver flowers and to pass on the condolences of all our school community. Ronnie's mother was clearly still deeply shocked at what had happened, although well supported by her immediate family. The visit therefore was a brief one. The Head Teacher spoke of the school's sense of loss and offered whatever support the family wanted. He was able to check that staff and pupils who knew Ronnie would be welcome to attend the funeral.

Matters to do with the school's own service and with how best to commemorate his death were left until later when some of the initial shock had passed. However, it was important that dealings with Ronnie's home were co-ordinated at school level so that the family did not have to handle a lot of school contacts. At this stage a single visit seemed best with further contacts to be arranged as the situation evolved.

From past experiences, we knew that families look for different things from the school depending on the circumstances. Some appreciated an early opportunity to talk about their child, looking to the school to share their experiences of the young person quite early in the proceedings. Others sought advice from the school and wanted suggestions about how to deal with their sense of loss. Some wanted the school to make an in-put to the funeral service while others wanted only the family to be present. For other families, sharing of family and school experience has been approached very gradually and much later, and a few have chosen not to be in contact, perhaps because close associations can be so painful. We believe that our doors need to remain open and that bereaved families should know that we would welcome contact with them at any time.

Ronnie's funeral was held on a Saturday so no special arrangements were required on our part to release staff and pupils - these would have been approved immediately for a weekday. The funeral, held in the local parish church with a burial in the churchyard, was a moving experience for the many staff, parents and pupils who attended. For most of the youngsters attending this was their first burial. Standing around the graveside on a cold wintry morning was very upsetting but we all wanted to be there.

Later contacts and remembering Ronnie
There was a strong feeling amongst our pupils that the school should hold its own commemorative service and we thought that it should be planned with input from Ronnie's family. Our service, about ten days after Ronnie's death, was taken by the School Chaplain, a friend of Ronnie's family whose own son was at Riccarton Primary School. There were contributions from the Head Teacher as well as Ronnie's Assistant Head and Guidance Teacher. The service was open to all those who wished to attend. Ronnie's mother was still too distressed to attend although she was invited - we accepted and understood that she was not ready at this time.

We thought that it was very important for the family to feel that support would continue beyond the ordeal of the funeral. Some ten days after the funeral the Head Teacher phoned Mrs Winton to seek her wishes in relation to Ronnie's school things and items of work. These had been collected from Ronnie's teachers by his Guidance teacher and neatly packaged. Classmates wanted to record their feelings so the written appreciations of Ronnie from his Tutor Group were included in the package. Mrs Winton was offered the choice of having the items delivered, or posted, or of coming to the school.

Remembering in the longer term
Both Ronnie's family and the school community wanted some sort of memorial to be established to mark Ronnie's life and his membership of our school community and to record our sense of loss. Riccarton Primary School PTA dedicated a friendship bench and garden on the way into the school to Ronnie's memory (see picture 3). Some schools we knew had planted special flowers or a tree, while others had chosen a picture to hang on the wall, when one of their pupils had died. Again, we wanted to follow the wishes of Ronnie's family.

In Ronnie's case, friends and relatives had raised money to fund a memorial. It was agreed with the family that a commemorative bench would be most appropriate. It was duly commissioned and delivered to the school. There was much discussion as to the best location. On the suggestion of the Head Janitor, the bench was placed in our entrance foyer where it can be seen by every visitor to the school (see picture 4). Pupils were informed of this by our Daily Bulletin. Initially there was a reluctance on the part of pupils to sit on the bench but now it is in regular use (see picture 5).

Life is moving on and constantly busy, although we often think of Ronnie and the other pupils who have died or who are absent for other reasons. Perhaps because of the pressures of coping with current issues, the school regrettably overlooked the actual day of the anniversary of Ronnie's death and did not send a card.

Supporting Michael, Ronnie's younger brother, and looking ahead
Michael was, at the time of Ronnie's death, just two years behind him in P6 of Riccarton Primary School.

One of the matters we at Currie High School discussed with Mrs Winton was how she felt about Michael moving up to the school from Riccarton PS. We knew and understood that, for some parents, there may be a desire to sever all connections with the school of their dead child, carrying as it does so many memories and associations.

Michael was in P6 when Ronnie died. You can appreciate how pleased all of us at Currie Community High School were to see Mrs Winton and Michael at last session's P7 Open Evening and how delighted when we learned for sure that Michael would be taking up his place at Currie. Michael has made a very good transition from primary school. He has settled in remarkably well and, like his brother Ronnie was, Michael is a popular and gifted pupil.

On reflection, the principles and practices of our school's ethos that enabled us to be supportive after Ronnie's death included the following aspects that we continuously revisit:

	good relations within the local community and especially with our pupils' families
	a guidance system and structure that established caring links between the following: pupils themselves, all staff and pupils, our school and its associated primary schools
	an emphasis on listening to and consulting with pupils, families and staff
	a level of general preparedness for crises

Some books that schools might find useful:

• Yule, W. and Gold, A. (1993) Wise Before the Event: Coping with Crises in Schools. London: Calouste Gulbenkian Foundation. (Available from Central Books Ltd Tel 0845 458 9911.)
• Brown, E. (1999) Loss, Change and Grief: An Educational Perspective. London: David Fulton Publications.
• Hindmarch, C. (1993) On the Death of a Child. Abingdon: Radcliffe Medical Press.